Officer...I've Been Robbed! Switzerland

I had never been robbed.  Never been violated so brazenly, so openly.  Previously, I frolicked in the streets of the world, innocently eying and buying many trinket, toys and treats.

Until, that is...my sweet reverie was slashed and I traversed the streets of...dun, dUN, DUUUUN...Switzerland.

Was it late at night?  On a suspicious, dark street corner?  Seedy part of town?  Scary?!

No.  Nope.  None of the above.

It was in broad daylight.  On a soft afternoon....and first, at the McDonald's. 

It was a hot afternoon.  Three girls, never ones to prioritize fast food and yet craving something fast, cheap and known.  All enter the lit, crowded Mickey D's and unassumingly, naively begin ordering:  1 chicken sandwich meal, 1 veggie burger and...1 small fries.  And then it happened, out of nowhere, quick as lighting, without a moment to grasp reality and stop the madness.  The Swiss stole from us!  Just took our $35.00 [$35!!] U.S. dollars!!

If you are a masochist and seeking the rush of a victim of monetary violence, Switzerland is your destination of choice. 

No need to grab a hold tight of your purse.  Or put your money in the hotel safe.  No need to carry your valuables in a weird travel pouch that hangs from your neck and requires you to oddly and perversely reach into and under your blouse to procure a Euro.  No, the vendors of this neutral sovereign state, as friendly as they are, just rob you point blank, unassumingly and straight to your face.  They take your money with concealed force and with the sweetest smile.  As if it's normal.  No mask, no gun.  Neither threats nor intimidation.  So smooth and nonchalant was this incessant hold up that I didn't even realize I was in danger.  Just so simple, as if it was no big deal:

Me: "I'd like to buy a chocolate".  The Vendor: "Sure Madame, no problem...that will be $342 euros".
or,
Me: "I'd like that newspaper".  The Vendor: "Suuuure Madame, but of course...that will be $829 euros". 

If only Switzerland was a charity I'd be more philanthropic than Mother Theresa.  Or more boisterously, like the Sultan of Bahrain throwing my money carelessly in the air showering the streets with my 1 Euro bills

Even our paddle boat was branded with the steering wheel of high-society BMW (however, still energized by the [wo]man-power of yours truly and my very impressed friend).

As gorgeous as Switzerland is, no doubt its beauty is awe-inspiring and picture book perfect, never, ever judge this book by its cover.  Cuz the Swiss paperback might just steal all your money leaving you with a a belly-full of trans fat fast food and not even a penny or pence to buy yo-self some acid-reflux cum anxiety-reducin meds.

In Switzerland, beware.
Open your wallet at your own serious financial risk...or even ruin.

Oooops...I Did It Again

Damn those sailboats.

What is it about the sleek curves, shiny handles, chiseled exterior, buffed hard wood floors, and full-bodied hull - all crashing against fiery waves. Gets me every time.  Every. Time!

But nope, this girl has learned her lesson.  Don't let them smooth sailboats take me for a ride. Uh-uhh.  This time I know better.  This time no sleepovers, no one night stands.  After a few hours sailing the lake seas, I was respectfully going home, thank you very much. No matter how fun, how giddy, how enticing that ride would be, before embarking on that shiny vessel, I did the equivalent of not shaving my legs and promising, resolutely devoting myself, to come ashore with chastity belt intact and no way in hell was I sleeping with that boat.  

3 night stay on the sailor in the Whitsundays, Australia - nearly lost my damn mind.
Overnight on the houseboat in Kerala, India - jesus, twas near death.
Lake Cuomo, Italy - No way in hell was I rolling the dice.

Like a bad boyfriend that you just can't say no to, don't want to say no to. Never really right for ya, a thorn in your side, annoying and frustrating. The one you do more for than he does for you.  Yet, soo charming, attractive and phantasmal that the tear-jerking memories erase themselves and once again you plunge into the depths of lust for someone...something...unreal.

Sailing.  I just can't quit you.

BUT.  The goal, the mission really, is that you learn from your mistakes. You manage your expectations and swallow a large dose of reality. And as one does, so did I.  Lake Cuomo sailing I went.  I would go on this exhilarating ride.  I would enjoy the wind in my hair, tan on my back, undulating vibrations in my soul with my hands firmly on the wheel.  No snoozing in the overnight berths, boat shoes securely kept on, hired private boat, pristine lavatories, even keel, champagne and strawberries - all in all, pure ecstasy.

Empowerment is a beautiful thang. Sailboat abstinence...puh-leeease. Never gonna happen. So instead, a middle ground.  Fully educated, precautions taken, risks assessed and decision made.  A little sail boating does a body good, relieves stress and well sometimes can be quite orgasmic.  As long as I remember: be a good girl and at the end of the day say your goodbyes, blow your kisses and walk satisfyingly home.